


Who put my ice skates in the fridge?

by alienboyv



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Victor spelled with a k, also btw adhd viktor and autistic yuuri isn't mentioned??, also btw theyre all prob ooc im sorry, also idk why i only put these characters in, but i just did, cries in deep gay, dont ask why they like broadway shows, little shop of horrors - Freeform, so im currently cr yign, this anime has taken over my l i f e
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-29
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-09-18 02:55:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9363365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alienboyv/pseuds/alienboyv
Summary: ice is gay now it's ours.





	1. receipts and broadway musicals.

**Author's Note:**

> oh ymg idufckign god im trapped in YOI heaven i love it it makes me cry it has,,,healthy gay relationships that arent fetishized and an accurate description of characters w/ anxiety and depression,,,,i am ###blessed also u can take ADHD Viktor out of my cold, dead hands.

**Pepper** : Y U U R I

 

 **Katsu** : Oh no.

 

 **Katsu** : What is it, Yuuko?

 

 **Pepper** : idk i just feel like we havent talked in a long time?? idk

 

 **Pepper** : also,,,disgusting,,, using,,,proper grammar

 

 **Katsu** : Do you want me to use terrible grammar?

 

 **Pepper** : YES

 

 **Katsu** : FINE

 

 **Katsu** : only a little

 

_Pepper has changed the chat name to: Negotiations™_

 

 **Katsu** : amazing

 

 **Katsu** : also btw why did u start a new group chat??

 

 **Pepper** : th is

 

_Pepper has added Vitya and Salt._

 

 **Salt** : so the plan has worked i see /eyeball emojis/

 

 **Pepper** : sure Takeshit

 

 **Katsu** : now be nice children

 

 **Salt** : fucK OFF

 

 **Pepper** : TAKESHI I WILL FIGHT U DONT TALK TO OUR SON LIKE THAT

 

 **Vitya** : wait what

 

 **Katsu** : I'm so sorry those two are idiots.

 

 **Pepper** : ##offended ##hurt 

 

 **Salt** : im so tempted to leave this chat

 

 **Katsu** : says the man that made the "NO ONE LEAVES UNLESS DEAD" rule in our old groupchat

 

 **Salt** : listen

 

 **Pepper** : i lov how Viktor isnt even saying anything in this fuckign chat we arent even trying to this any less confusing or horrible

 

 **Vitya** : what is even going on??

 

 **Katsu** : Pepper is Yuuko and Salt is Takeshi and they insult each other but i promise they're married and no; they are not my parents they just do this all the time

 

 **Pepper** : LIES

 

 **Pepper** : I HAVE THE ADOPTION PAPERS FUCK U

 

 **Salt** : i never wanted u as a son u suck

 

 **Pepper** : bOi

 

 **Pepper** : DO NOT MAKE ME KICK UR ASS

 

 **Salt** : yUUKO NOWUWAHWGHWMAOWUEH

 

 **Katsu** : rest in peace, dick.

 

 **Salt** : DEAD.

 

 **Salt** : YOU ARE DEAD TO ME.

 

 **Pepper** : this family is so toxic

 

 **Pepper** : also btw b4 u ask Viktor ur our son-in-law and if u ever hurt Yuuri u can say bye to ur dick

 

 **Vitya** : still confused but understood,,

 

 **Pepper** : hA fuCj u Yuuri HE doesnt even use prOPER GRAMMAR

 

 **Katsu** : im sure u wont be saying that ur kids :))

 

 **Salt** : thats so bitter im criyign

 

 **Pepper** : THIS IS BULLYING

 

 **Pepper** : consider urself ##BLOCKED Katsuki

 

 **Salt** : wow

 

 **Salt** : one minute ur getting mad at me for being mean to Yuuri now ur being mean /eYES EMOJI/

 

 **Vitya** : oh my god

 

 **Katsu** : arent u two parents??

 

 **Salt** : arent u engaged 

 

 **Pepper** : INTENSE EYES EMOJI

 

 **Vitya** : ;)

 

 **Katsu** : god dammit

 

 **Katsu** : god fuckign dammit

 

 **Vitya** : Thats a little rude dont you think ;*

 

 **Salt** : pda?? in my house??

 

 **Salt** : good. show love.

 

 **Pepper** : WHOLESOME. 

 

 **Pepper** : I AM GOING TO ADD MORE PPL

 

 **Katsu** : NO.

 

_Pepper has added Yurip and PhiChiChu_

 

 **Yurip** : what the fuck is this

 

 **Vitya** : welcome Yurio :)

 

 **Yurip** : DONT

 

 **PhiChiChu** : amazing.

 

 **PhiChiChu** : im laughign.

 

 **Katsu** : remind me why we're friends again, Phichit?

 

 **PhiChiChu** : :::(((

 

 **Pepper** : what the fukc is that mosnSTER

 

 **Salt** : "mosnSTER"

 

 **Pepper** : LEAVE

 

 **PhiChiChu** : my CHILD fuck YOU

 

 **Pepper** : WATCH URSELF U ASS

 

 **Pepper** : hIT EM TWICE

 

 **Pepper** : ONCE

 

 **PhiChiChu** : FUCK YOUUUUU

 

 **Vitya** : what a interesting clash of characters,,,

 

 **Katsu** : i promise theyre not this mean irl

 

 **Vitya** : <3

 

 **Katsu** : vIKTOR

 

 **PhiChiChu** : good shit

 

 **Pepper** : MY LIFE BLOOD.

 

 **Salt** : #BLESSED

 

 **Yurip** : eh

 

 **Pepper** : u know i expected u to be like "ew! u two are disgusting" or smth

 

 **Yurip** : nah i only say that when its Extra PDA but it is a lil homophobic to call them "disgusting" when they act lovey dovey bc im not a child whos parents are kissing, im a 15 yr old almost 16 who knows better.

 

 **Salt** : YURI

 

 **Salt** : LAYING DOWN THE LAW

 

 **Yurip** : people always assume im going to be grossed out but?? im kinda offended?? that?? they think?? i would be that rude??

 

 **Pepper** : boi

 

 **Yurip** : i have v strong feelings abt it, idk??

 

 **Pepper** : thats actually,,,,wholesome?

 

 **Salt** : _WHOLESOME_? BY _YURI P_? ITS MORE LIKELY THEN YOU THINK. 

 

 **Vitya** : tears.

 

 **Vitya** : beautiful.

 

 **Katsu** : the only good messages of this chat tbh??

 

 **Pepper** : Okay RUDE.

 

 **Pepper** : wait Phichit where are u

 

 **PhiChiChu** : manclutchingchest.png

 

 **PhiChiChu** : IM GONNA NUT THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL

 

 **Yurip** : dont be like chris

 

 **Katsu** : omg??

 

 _Vitya_ _has added_ _JesusCHRISt_

 

 **JesusCHRISt** : what is it, Viktor??

 

 **JesusCHRISt** : please tell me u didnt make a group chat to cry abt ur gay woes a g a i n

 

 **Katsu** : i

 

 **JesusCHRISt** : oh hey there Yuuri ;)

 

 **PhiChiChu** : BOI

 

 **PhiChiChu** : IF U DONT

 

 **Yurip** : im having flashbacks to then

 

 **JesusCHRISt** : r i p

 

 **Pepper** : CRIES IN DEEP GAY

 

 **Salt** : YELLS IN HIGH GAY

 

 **Vitya** : IM

 

 **PhiChiChu** : MY LONGEST YEAH BOI EVER

 

 **Yurip** : oh my go d

 

 **JesusCHRISt** : ;)

 

 **Katsu** : I I I I??

 

 **JesusCHRISt** : Viktor now dont be like this

 

_JesusCHRISt has sent a picture_

 

> _**ViktYEAH** : CHRIST_
> 
> _**ViktYEAH** : U_
> 
> _**ViktYEAH** : ARE_
> 
> _**ViktYEAH** : DEAD_
> 
> _**ViktYEAH** : TO_
> 
> _**ViktYEAH** : M E_
> 
> _**ViktYEAH** : U HAVE READ RECEIPTS ON _
> 
> _**ViktYEAH** : C H R I S_
> 
> _**ViktYEAH** : do not send these text to the group chat_
> 
> _**ViktYEAH** : CHRIS_
> 
> _ViktYEAH is typing..._
> 
>  

**Katsu** : omg

 

_Yurip has changed the chat name to: Little Shop of Horrors_

 

 **Pepper** : ON THE 21ST DAY OF THE MONTH OF SEPTEMBER

 

 **Salt** : IN A EARLY YEAR OF A DECADE NOT TO LONG BEFORE OUR OWN

 

 **PhiChiChu** : THE HUMAN RACE SUDDENLY ENCOUNTERED A DEADLY THREAT TO ITS VERY EXISTENCE

 

 **Pepper** : AND THIS TERRIFYING ENEMY SURFACED AS SUCH ENEMIES OFTEN DO

 

 **Salt** : IN A SEEMINGLY MOST INNOCENT AND UNLIKELY OF PLACES

 

 **PhiChiChu** : LITTLE SHOP

 

 **Pepper** : LITTLE OF HORRORS

 

 **Salt** : LITTLE SHOP

 

 **PhiChiChu** : LITTLE SHOP OF TERROR

 

 **Pepper** : CALL THE COP

 

 **Salt** : LITTLE OF SHOP HORRORS

 

 **PhiChiChu** : NO NO UH OH NO!

 

 **Yurip** : STOP. S T O P.

 

 **Vitya** : the name's not wrong tho

 

 **Katsu** : tru

 

 **Pepper** : also btw is ur name referencing Katsudon or Katsuki 

 

 **Katsu** : yes

 

 **PhiChiChu** : i

 

_Yurip has blocked this group chat_


	2. whom'st'd've'dist'd'n't'st'd've'll's'd've're'n't'y'all'll'ven't 't'whom'st

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> honestly i didn't expect to make this.
> 
> ALSO!!!!! I TALK ABT EROS AND PSYCHE IN THIS CHAPTER A LOT!!!!! I LEARNED IT FORM THIS VID PLS WATCH THEM!!
> 
> \-----> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLo1jZA1iVw&index=14&list=PLDb22nlVXGgeoPb-HBWwzEeoAwDvckSrC <\------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> names in case u forgot [bc i did]
> 
> Pepper - Yuuko
> 
> Salt - Takeshi
> 
> Katsu - Yuuri
> 
> Vitya - Viktor
> 
> Yurip - Yurio
> 
> PhiChiChu - Phichit
> 
> JesusCHRISt - Chris

_**"Little Shop Of Horrors."** _

**21:15 (Via Yuuko's POV,)**

 

 **Pepper** : what the hell happened 2 this chat

 

 **Yurip** : fuck if i know

 

 **Vitya** : unpaid bills and fluffy dogs.

 

 **Yurip** : unpaid bills?

 

 **Vitya** : kinda. depends.

 

 **Yurip** : on..?

 

 **Pepper** : no. we're not discussing this.

 

 **JesusCHRISt** : Vik, do you know anything abt Greek Mythology?

 

 **Vitya** : WHY

 

 **JesusCHRISt** : Eros? UHHH?

 

 **Vitya** : I KNOW GREEK MEANINGS OF LOVE?? WHY ARE U ASKING??

 

 **Katsu** : ?????????????????

 

 **Salt** : wh;at

 

 **Pepper** : all of the above?

 

 **PhiChiChu** : what the fcku

 

 **Katsu** : phichit ur my friend and i love u but...how do you mess up the word "fuck" that bad?

 

 **PhiChiChu** : shhhhhhhhhhh

 

 **JesusCHRISt** : NO ONE?? OK.

 

 **Yurip** : go on. explain. 

 

 **Vitya** : I'D LOVE TO KNOW??????

 

 **JesusCHRISt** : Eros is the GOD OF LOVE/SEXUAL ATTRACTION????

 

 **Vitya** : i knew eros and agape came from greek but i didnt know one was a god

 

 **PhiChiChu** : YEAH. Eros and Psyche are like. goals

 

 **Katsu** : who?

 

 **Yurip** : Psyche is Eros's wife. that comes from the prob most known story abt him.

 

 **Yurip** : theres 3 main versions of Eros.

 

 **Yurip** : one is an powerful being [--> MORE POWERFUL THAN THE GODS <\--] and ancient. he can pull Zeus on strings practically. [aka: a good chunk of the reason Zeus cant keep it in his fucking pants.]

 

 **Yurip** : two is Aphrodite's son [Aphrodite, Goddess of Beauty etc,] which to gesture to somewhere is basically saying love is stemming from beauty [in its on way i guess it is correct.]

 

 **Yurip** : three is...c*pid.

 

 **Yurip** : though the one in Eros and Psyche is a mix of the 1st and 2nd. also Psyche represents the human soul. they also had a kid [Hedone is their kiddo. which, if i remember correctly, means Joy.]

 

 **JesusCHRISt** : PHICHIT!! YURIO!!! I DID KNOW YALL KNOW EROS AND PSYCHE. 

 

 **Yurip** : i stay up late. and have to much time.

 

 **PhiChiChu** : SAME. ALSO IM A BIG NERD FOR THIS KINDA SHIT.

 

 **Yurip** : same.

 

 **Yurip** : btw wow. chris was excited by smth and it wasnt sexual? WOW.

 

 **JesusCHRISt** : really? sorry. i'll go back to normal now.

 

 **Yurip** : FUCK.

 

 **Salt** : resurrect the dead chat

 

 **Pepper** : babe i love u but wtf

 

 **Salt** : idk. 

 

_Vitya has renamed this conversations to  "Boredom™"_

 

 **Vitya** : why am i so bored.

 

 **Katsu** : babe come to sleep

 

 **Katsu** : its 2:22 am

 

 **Vitya** : 2:22 x 3:33 is 6:66

 

 **Yurip** : thats?? not?? a time??

 

 **Vitya** : why not

 

 **Pepper** : yah

 

 **PhiChiChu** : why are we all so bored

 

 **Salt** : bc the author is awake at 3:02 am and is unmotivated to do anything + gets bored really bc theyre adhd is worse than ever now that they dont have to take it bc schools out and theyre currently a mess rn

 

 **Vitya** : 1: author?? 2: ME WHEN I WAS STILL GOING TO SCHOOL

 

 **Yurip** : author of the journals obvi

 

 **Pepper** : uve been rewatching gf havent u?

 

 **Yurip** : U BETCHA

 

 **Salt** : how are any of us adults.

 

 **Yurip** : im a minor but ok

 

 **Salt** : adulthood sucks save urself.

 

 **Yurip** : how?

 

 **Vitya** : get good grades

 

 **Katsu** : be nice to ppl

 

 **Pepper** : let yourself be a kid while u can

 

 **Salt** : stand up for yourself and dont let anyone tell u its ok 2 be nasty

 

 **Vitya** : be politically active

 

 **Katsu** : take care of yourself

 

 **Pepper** : know that your human, you make mistakes and its ok. sometimes theyre really bad and sorry isnt enough to fix it. 

 

 **Salt** : dont say sorry unless u mean it

 

 **Yurip** : wow

 

 **Yurip** : chris? u got any advice

 

 **JesusCHRISt** : know its ok that ur at ur own pace and u dont need to go faster or slower what ever makes u happy and helps u is ok. when u screw up u have to own up to your mistakes and not to make it look like some else did it. know its ok do stupid shit as long as u learn from it. if u hurt some1 u cant say u didnt. u dont decide that. life will screw u up and sometimes life seems like a rollarcoaster but things will get better. maybe not today or tomorrow or next week but someday.

 

 **Yurip** : thats...deep

 

 **Vitya** : makes sense the author is running on 0 hours of sleep, theyve now have been awake for 24+ hours, and is thinking abt things. also they just chugged A BUNCH of coke.

 

 **Yurip** : oh my god.

 

 **Pepper** : Yurio..when did u like..unmute/unblock the chat?

 

 **Yurip** : idk. i think a month ago?

 

 **Katsu** : what the hell is this chat.

 

 **Vitya** : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLE2UyvJPYE&t=59s

 

 **Salt** : play that at my fucking funeral

 

 **Yurip** : nvm yall still dumbfucks

 

 **Pepper** : so are u.

 

 **Yurip** : i aint denying SHIT.

 

_**"Boredom™"** _

**13:40 (via Phichit's POV.)**

 

 **PhiChiChu** : wtf yall i leave for ONE MINUTE and suddenly yall being wholesome? 

 

 **Katsu** : phichit where tf have u been?

 

 **PhiChiChu** : the space time continuum.

 

 **Yurip** : arent we all.

 

 **PhiChiChu** : i was watching family guy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont expect to make another chapter but u know ive got FOUR DRAFTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that i need to write But Writer's Block + No Motivation To Do Anything is a bummer amiri;ght la dies /finger guns/
> 
> im running on 0 hours of sleep and chugging coke rn
> 
> im feel like that one post thats like
> 
> "Me, pouring energy drink into coffee: I WILL FACE GOD AND WALK BACKWARDS INTO HELL"
> 
> /narrator voice/ they did eventually sleep. ...theres no follow up they havent been awake for like 4 days ok..like

**Author's Note:**

> downtown
> 
> where your life's a joke
> 
> also btw i hope u enjoyed htis ;0


End file.
